![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
ack!
Regard the sentence:
The finework was a shambles, unfinished strings shedding little shiny seed beads all over the alley where they glittered in the dim, stuttering light.
Is that too alliterative, or too much of a tongue-twister?
ETA:
I'm just too damned tired to be writing tonight.
ETA2:
Okay, for now I'm leaving it at:
The finework was a shambles, unfinished strings shedding little seed beads all over the alley. They glittered in the dim, stuttering light like teardrops or refugees from a long-forgotten rain. Grimacing at the time and effort lost she tugged at the thread, snapping it and letting the remainder of the beads fall away.
Better, at any rate. Good enough to stand until the next revision pass through the whole MS. Thanks folks. (-:
The finework was a shambles, unfinished strings shedding little shiny seed beads all over the alley where they glittered in the dim, stuttering light.
Is that too alliterative, or too much of a tongue-twister?
ETA:
I'm just too damned tired to be writing tonight.
ETA2:
Okay, for now I'm leaving it at:
The finework was a shambles, unfinished strings shedding little seed beads all over the alley. They glittered in the dim, stuttering light like teardrops or refugees from a long-forgotten rain. Grimacing at the time and effort lost she tugged at the thread, snapping it and letting the remainder of the beads fall away.
Better, at any rate. Good enough to stand until the next revision pass through the whole MS. Thanks folks. (-: