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articulating possibly damaged bits of self
May. 3rd, 2010 11:33 pmSo, after I posted my tale about the truck with the giant fake rock in the back, in which I noted: It does make one consider the sorts of odd things that one might enjoy driving around in one's big-ass truck for the delightful detriment to the distractable denizens of one's small town, it occurred to me that I have a surprisingly large number of ideas that involve doing things that could potentially cause car accidents.
Like, for years I've thought it would be funny as all hell to either taxidermify or make fake-realistic squirrels, woodchucks, etc, making rude faces and gestures and then pose them randomly at the side of the road.
On the trip to the zoo this weekend, Eldest Daughter suggested that it'd be neat if cars had speakers in them where you could somehow contact them and tell them they're driving badly. I suggested you could equip all new cars with speakers embedded inside the head-rest, and have them remotely accessible via cellphone (number is same as license plate number, maybe?) and how cool it'd be to spot some guy driving all by himself and activate the speakers right behind his head and whisper, "pssst, hey, buddy!"
I've also thought for some time it would be satisfying to weld a short length of pipe to the edge of the roof of one's car just above the driver's door, horizontal an sealed on the back end, that you could pop model rockets into on the fly.
Aaaaand I once, in a silly moment, thought it'd be cool to have a retracting arm with the equivalent of a giant rubber stamp on the end, rather like those cartoon boxing-gloves, that you can shoot out and stamp a foot-high word like "IDIOT" on other people's cars as you pass them. Never figured out a good way to keep the ink from drying out on the stamp, though, and it'd be a hassle and a half at the car wash.
Hadn't really occurred to me until just the other day what a recurring theme "fucking with other drivers" is in my imagination, which I would like to hereby ascribe to boredom on the road more than any defect of personality. And of course I am unlikely to do any of those things because they wouldn't be funny if someone actually got hurt. But man, the squirrels-making-rude-gestures idea is *still* sorely tempting, and I'm not sure I've let go of actually doing that one someday.
It's not just me, though, right?
Like, for years I've thought it would be funny as all hell to either taxidermify or make fake-realistic squirrels, woodchucks, etc, making rude faces and gestures and then pose them randomly at the side of the road.
On the trip to the zoo this weekend, Eldest Daughter suggested that it'd be neat if cars had speakers in them where you could somehow contact them and tell them they're driving badly. I suggested you could equip all new cars with speakers embedded inside the head-rest, and have them remotely accessible via cellphone (number is same as license plate number, maybe?) and how cool it'd be to spot some guy driving all by himself and activate the speakers right behind his head and whisper, "pssst, hey, buddy!"
I've also thought for some time it would be satisfying to weld a short length of pipe to the edge of the roof of one's car just above the driver's door, horizontal an sealed on the back end, that you could pop model rockets into on the fly.
Aaaaand I once, in a silly moment, thought it'd be cool to have a retracting arm with the equivalent of a giant rubber stamp on the end, rather like those cartoon boxing-gloves, that you can shoot out and stamp a foot-high word like "IDIOT" on other people's cars as you pass them. Never figured out a good way to keep the ink from drying out on the stamp, though, and it'd be a hassle and a half at the car wash.
Hadn't really occurred to me until just the other day what a recurring theme "fucking with other drivers" is in my imagination, which I would like to hereby ascribe to boredom on the road more than any defect of personality. And of course I am unlikely to do any of those things because they wouldn't be funny if someone actually got hurt. But man, the squirrels-making-rude-gestures idea is *still* sorely tempting, and I'm not sure I've let go of actually doing that one someday.
It's not just me, though, right?
